Hey Reader - Before I hop into this week's message, can you please check to see if you received the email from me on 7/14? Normally about 1/2 of you open the message. For the last newsletter, it was closer to 9% so I'm hoping the email didn't get lost in the innerwebs.
Now . . . for this week's message
This weekend, I was watching Keke Palmer interview Oprah Winfrey. They were talking about doing things with intention when I had an Aha Moment (nod to early 90s Winfrey).
When one person causes harm to another, one of the first things they often say is some version of:
“I didn't mean to." or "I didn’t intend to.”
I understand why. They want the other person to know the harm was not deliberate. They want their character to be considered alongside the consequences of their actions.
But “I didn’t intend to” only tells me what you say you were not trying to do.
What did you intend?
What were you hoping your words would create?
What did you want the other person to understand, experience, or do?
What invitation were you extending?
Sometimes, we cause harm while pursuing an intention we can name. We intended to help. To offer feedback. To protect someone. To solve a problem. To make a joke. To move the work forward.
The negative impact tells us that the way we acted did not create what we intended.
And sometimes the honest answer is that we did not begin with any intention at all. We spoke from habit. We reacted to pressure. We moved quickly. We did what we usually do without considering what our actions might create or who might carry the consequences.
That is one reason I invite folks to pause - sometimes with bubbles; sometimes before the HUMAN Practice.
Pause. Notice. Decide.
The pause is more than a break in the action. It interrupts autopilot. It gives us an opportunity to choose how we want to enter a conversation, make a decision, or respond to tension.
We get to ask:
What do I intend to create here?
Then we notice. We consider what is true, what requires attention, what positive impact we want to create, what we are responsible for, and what we may be missing.
Then we decide how to move forward intentionally with what we have noticed.
A conscious intention does not guarantee the impact we want. We are human. We will misunderstand and be misunderstood. We will make choices without having every piece of information. We may act with care and still cause harm.
When that happens, intention offers context. Impact gives us information. Accountability asks what we will do with what we now know.
“I didn’t intend to harm you” can be the beginning of that conversation. It cannot be the whole conversation.
Tell me what you intended.
Tell me what you now understand about the impact.
Tell me what you are prepared to own.
Tell me what you will carry forward.
Before your next difficult conversation, consequential choice, or quick response, pause long enough to ask:
What do I intend?
Then choose an action that gives your intention somewhere to live.
